Mine and Timmy’s relationship continued to get worse. I had a mental breakdown probably a year after my grandma passed away and found myself sitting by the lake crying and talking to her. I wanted to die, and something told me to look up treatment centers. I knew nothing about treatment or what I was doing, but I called the first place I found, and they answered. Before I knew it, I was setting up a plane ticket to come to Florida and get help. I went to Lake Worth for treatment and did 35 days. While I was there, I meet a guy named Rane who was also from the same state as me and we made plans to go to meetings when he got home. I was home for a month and got dental work done and got narcotics prescribed, I had an AA sponsor at the time who told me it was ok to take the medication, but it only was a matter of time before I was taking more than prescribed and still didn’t know I was an addict. I had started buying pills off the street and taking the boys with me to get them because. My thinking told me that it was ok because I wouldn’t be sick, and I could be present with them.
Rane and I decided to go back to Florida and get help. This time I went to a detox, then treatment, and then I moved into a halfway house for the first time. Rane and I were not in a relationship, but feelings started to develop on my end but not his. When Rane talked to other girls it hurt me, and at some point, I stopped caring. As soon as I stepped back on attempting to force a relationship, he wanted to be with me. I was very guarded.
I lived at Fellowship RCO’s Recovery Residences at the time and thank God for them because when I had 4 months clean, I got one of the most devastating calls of my life. My mother had a massive stroke and although she was stable, she was paralyzed on one side. A few days after the first stroke she had a second stroke and was pronounced brain dead. I was her oldest living child, so I had to pack up and drive to Johnson City, Tennessee to take her off life support. Once again, I blamed God for taking my mother from me, during that trip Rane and I officially became a couple.
On March 21,2020, I got that phone call I was always worried I would get from Broward County Sheriff’s Department. They had to ask me for the contact information for Rane’s next of kin. He, unfortunately lost his battle to his disease. The pain I felt was indescribable. I wanted to give up and stop fighting, but the support system I had behind me held me up when I wanted to so desperately fall. They brought Austin into my life, not to replace Rane, but to help support me through my grief, and remind me that Rane will always be with me.
I am so grateful to tell you all that I used the tools to keep my foundation solid regardless of how my disease wanted to use Rane’s death to destroy me. I haven’t picked up another drug despite the loss and heartbreak I have endured. I refuse to let anyone, or anything take me back to a place I worked so hard to get out of.
I have a life today that is well beyond what I thought possible. I am forever grateful to Rick, Susan, and Sara and Fellowship RCO for saving me more than once when I had nowhere else to go and giving me a second chance at life. I have a supportive group of ladies (Switz, Kandi, Shannon, and Jules to name a few) that carry me when I feel a bit unsteady.
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